Friday, April 27, 2012

So your daughter wants to date my son?

A response to

 1. You must love Jesus and others. A relationship with God isn't about legalistic rules and how long you read your bible, it's a journey that is about loving God and others. Though we want you to have good spiritual disciplines, we understand you are a teenager and that this journey of faith takes many twists and turns. We understand that you will make mistakes, but that Jesus is big enough to handle all of them. We also want you to be moving towards a faith that is your own, and not a faith that is your parents. We will ask you how you have served others, been kind, and had compassion, because the truest test of faith is an outflow in your life, not how long your devotional time is.

 2. We trust that you will make the right decisions in regards to purity. If you have questions, come to us, and talk to us. We'd rather have you talk to us, then continue to make mistakes you feel you have to hide. We also understand that teen girls want to have sex as much as teen boys, both of you need to make decisions that are good and right. It isn't up to one of you alone.

 3. We'd like to get to know your parents. We will have them over for dinner some time. If you don't have a great relationship with your parents, we understand. Not everyone is blessed with the perfect home, it's the choices that you make now that matter, not your parents' choices.

 4. Our son will pay for things, but he doesn't have a job. He is a teenager. His top priority is his school work, church, and being a kid. He has his whole life to work, he doesn't have his whole life to be a teenager. He is responsible and will buy you dinner, but don't expect him to spend thousands of dollars on you, you are after all, only in high school.

 5. If you want to friend me on Facebook you can. Nothing should be posted that you wouldn't want me to see anyway, but it is weird to have the guy you are dating's mom as a friend, I completely understand.

 6. Your sexy underwear is your business, but if I see it, it becomes mine. I really just don't want to see it.

 7. Teenagers dating are trying to impress the other person, if you are nagging, belittling, rude, gossipy, or self-righteous, I will talk to you about it. I not only want the best for our son, but the best for you too.

8. I am my son's pastor, and his mom... I don't need to meet your pastor to determine the type of Christian you are, or the type of character you have, I can tell that by your life. If I'm curious about what you believe or are being taught, we can have a conversation about it.

 9. Love is a complicated thing. It may seem silly to us that you have strong feelings, but those feelings are real to you right now. We'll try to limit our eye rolling at your puppy love, if you promise to take things slow and think things through.

 10. We trust that you can be alone with our son, we know we can't monitor you 24/7 anyway. We understand that girls are just as sexual as boys, and that both of you have to make the decision to have self control. We trust you until the trust gets broken. In our house their are certain rules, outside of our house, you need to make the best decisions for both of you.

 11. We don't make threats or physically harm people. You are a teenager, and it is our role as adults in your life to help mold and shape you, not threaten or harm you.

 12. We don't tell our son who he can date, because we've raised him to make good, and godly decisions without us dictating every little thing he can do.


  1. Robbie,

    Thank you for this. I just read the blog to which you are responding and I am both appalled and heartbroken for that man. I appreciate your stepping up and showing a patient, loving, protective, but appropriately trusting parent.

    As a daughter with a daddy (though I am now married) I can honestly say that my dad's (un-often) harshness and jealousy when I was dating in high school only drove me to choose the wrong guys. But when he was patient, and cared more about me and my heart than he did about the guy in whom I was interested - I found the man to whom I am now married now. A wonderful, Jesus-loving, woman-respecting man not unlike my dad.

    1. Marie, Thanks for your comment! My fiancé and I have spent so many hours talking about how we want to raise our kids, and though we don't have kids of our own yet, we are constantly helping mold teens at the church. We see both sides, and often hear the sides of teenagers heartbroken, scared, hurt, because they feel they aren't trusted when they deserve to be. I've also been doing a lot of research about why teens and young people are leaving the church, and sadly, a lot of it has to do with feeling that once they make a mistake or mess up, they can't face their parents or the church again. I really pray and hope that the teens in my church can come to me with ANYTHING, and learn about grace, forgiveness, and love. My fiancé and I pray and hope that our future children will be able to come to us with ANYTHING, and learn about grace, forgiveness, and love.
      I'm thankful that you have met a great man, and learned about love :) I think our relationships can teach us a lot about the love of God, and it's a blessing when we can catch a glimpse of that love with the person we are with.